Babysitterdirectory Blog

Image by Tony Erika, www.morguefile.com

Yesterday I watched my husband play  rough and tumble with our 2.5 year old daughter.

He was definitely playing rougher with her than I would but her response was to squeal  in delight as he threw her up in the air and caught her again.

My husband also plays ball sports more with our children than I ever would.  Interestingly, it’s our son who is more keen to play ball sports than our daughters. He also disciplines differently.  While I lean to negotiating with the children my husband will negotiate once then he expects action – now!

I realised, yet again that Dads really do parent differently. And apparently these differences are important for a child’s development.

Glenn T. Stanton, Director of Social Research and Cultural Affairs and Senior Analyst for Marriage and Sexuality at Focus on the Family has drew together findings from diverse studies on the topic of fatherhood and reported on some distinct differences between “father love” and “mother love”.

Fathers love differently: Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology, explains that  fathers “love more dangerously” because their love is more “expectant, more instrumental” than a mother’s love. This is important in helping the child learn about the world and the differences between male and females.

Fathers communicate and parent differently: Fathers communicate differently and their child is aware of this as young as eight weeks old according to Dr. Kyle Pruett,  an internationally known child psychiatrist and expert on children, family relationships, and fathers. These differences are essential in helping the child learn the differences between men and women and thereby helping them learn skills to interact successfully  in society.

Fathers play differently: Fathers play rougher, more louder and more boisterous than Mums (who would have thought!).  So next time Mum , you see Dad throwing your kids into the air or playing rough and tumble on the ground and you are tempted to say “gentle!” stop yourself! Rough and tumble play by Dad is playing a role in helping your child learn about competition,  the limits of their strength, self control and how to deal with excitement.

Fathers discipline differently: Fathers tend to  stress justice, fairness, duty (rules) while mothers stress sympathy and help ( relationships). Fathers lean enforcing rules systematically and sternly, something which I note works really well for our 5 year old son.

Read the full study on the differences between ‘mother love’ and ‘father love’  here.

Reading

The Single Father: A Dad’s Guide to Parenting Without a Partner (New Father Series), Armin A. Brott -(includes practical advice to solving common problems following a divorce)

Fathering: Strengthening Connection With Your Children No Matter Where You Are, Will Glennon

Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide To The Second And Third Years [Kindle Edition], Armin A. Brott

The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be, Second Edition [Kindle Edition], Armin A. Brott & Jennifer Ash (looks at how to stay involved during the pregnancy as well as when to tell your friends about the pregnancy and financial planning).

What differences do you notice in your family between how Dad and Mum parent? Do you notice any differences? Do you have any books you would recommend?  Would love to hear your thoughts.

And last but not least Happy (upcoming) Father’s Day to all the Dads out there!